Jan 17 2010


The vocation of the storyteller is not to worry about the expectations of the world, but to bear the pain of redemption.

–Madeleine L’Engle

Jan 9 2010

I watched a change

I thought I didn’t know what story to write.

Turned out I knew what story to write, I was just too lazy to finish it.

I guess lazy isn’t the word.  I guess the word I’m looking for I can’t find.  What I mean to say is, it’s tiring to try to finish a book with a complex plot and at least five main characters when you only have an hour to spend here and there.  It feels disjointed.  And then I just think “oh this isn’t working, maybe I should try another idea.”  And so on, and so forth.

So I’m going to finish it, even if it is tiring.  I need direction, and I guess this is it.  Plus, I have another fun idea I want to try out after this, but to do that I need to dedicate myself to finish what I started.

When I start to feel like I’m straining for ideas and I start to have some self-pity and I start to panic that maybe I’ll never ever write something good again, and I basically have the artistic temperment I like to remind myself of Madeleine L’Engle.  She was the first to admit that maybe sometimes she was a little too self-pitying.  She plainly states her discouragements and fears.  And what would she do in those moments?  Why, she would write of course.

It seems that all art requires not only work, but a form of pain and suffering to make it beautiful.  I don’t mean this negatively at all.  It is one of those things I can’t explain.

Back to the book that daunts me: To date, I think this novel is the closest to a Ted Dekker novel that I’ve written, so I hope that excites a few people.

Embrace Truth,


I saw a change in you.  It’s like you never had wings. –Deftones

Jan 4 2010

Picture Yourself

Well, for starters, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As it is now January and the craziness of the holidays has died down I have returned to my publisher research.  This go around it seems like I’ll be able to send out my manuscript to quite a few publishers all at once, which will be a welcome change from the previous waits of 4 months between publishers.  The only downside is that I will be writing up quite a few proposals all at once and I am guessing I’ll get rather tired of it.  But it will all be worth it in the end, I am sure.

When I really think about it, what is a few years to wait for the right publisher?  The impatience of youth is often cited, and I suppose those of us who haven’t been on this planet for more than sixty years fall prey to it often.  When I am seventy will I look back at 2009 through 2010 and wish that my publishing process had gone more quickly?  It is unlikely that I will.  More likely I will look back and see the uncountable blessings that came with my wait.  I will smile back on my twenty-two year old self with fondness and remember the drive and desire I had to get my work out there.  I will look back and wish I could tell myself to relax and enjoy the ride.  That things really wouldn’t take that long in the scheme of things.

It helps to picture yourself as a grandmother, nearing her eightieth birthday, like my own grandmother is.  The everyday things that seem to matter so much sort of fade in the comparison of a long life, lived well, and full of love.  After all, what more could I ask for?

Embrace Truth,


“So if you made it, just be glad that you did and stay there

If you ever feel loved or needed

Just remember that you’re

One of the lucky ones.”

–Straylight Run–

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