Apr 29 2010

Results

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I just sit here and think.  Or I hop in a nice hot bath.  The bath has to be the best place to get ideas.  It’s warm, it’s relaxing, and there are no distractions whatsoever.  I can let my mind wander as I play with water droplets that sit on the tops of my knees.  I can let the ideas come to me instead of forcing them.  So I’ve been doing a lot of that and it’s great.  But it means I have very little to show for myself and for some reason this bothers me.

I think it is because we are such a “results” driven society.  And results mean something concrete.  ”How many pages did you write?”  ”How long did it take you?”  I need to learn to not let this bother me and to just be.  Madeleine L’Engle was the queen of this.  Sure, she was an advocate of hard work – you have to work with your gifts or you lose them.  But she understood that sometimes our gifts require room to breathe – to reveal themselves to us.  We can’t force our gifts; we have to allow them to expand and just simply be.  She often wrote of just taking an afternoon to walk along the stream, or taking an hour or so to sit on her star-watching rock.

Somehow it’s easy to forget this.

I want a publisher.  I want to write another book.  I want to put in this many hours.  I want to write this many pages.  In short, I want to quantify my calling and my gifts.  I want to measure my success.  I want to feel like I’ve done something instead of being satisfied with the gift I have been given and just allowing the rest to follow.

I was watching the tail end of “Surf’s Up” last night.  I’ve been watching it over the las few nights, but I seem to fall asleep before it ends.  Anyhow, there is the scene when all the surfers are describing the feeling of being “in the tube” of the wave.  How intoxicating it is and how they just can’t wait to get there again.  And Cody asks “How many points would I get for riding the tube?”  Big Z says “Nah, you’re missing the point.”

He doesn’t tell us what the point is, but we get it.  The point is simply being in the tube.  Experiencing it.  And I thought, that’s what my writing needs to be.  I need to be intoxicated with just doing it and everything else is immaterial.

Does that mean I give up on my search for a publisher?  No.  But it means that I don’t have to quantify everything.  I don’t have to have a deadline.  These things are not the point.  The point is simply to be available for what story may need to be written.  Everything else is merely a wonderful bonus.

I’d like to encourage all of you to look at your gifts, and even your jobs this way.  In a more, more, more society, we could all do with a little peace and a feeling of worth that is not attached to a result.

I’d like to share my story ideas with you, but I have never liked doing this.  I feel that if I share my ideas before they are fully developed, I somehow cheat them of their full potential.  Suffice to say I am always working on something, I may not be able to tell you what that is, but I am working on it.  ”What are you working on right now?”  People ask me.  Perhaps I should just answer “A book.”  ”What kind of a book?”  ”Whichever one comes to me.”

Embrace Truth,

Kayleigh


Apr 13 2010

Updates

Okay, just an update for you:

Chapters in Chinook is no longer carrying my book as my consignment term is up.  If you or anyone you know wants to buy it you can get it through me directly, or through your favourite online book sellers.  Chaptersidigo.ca still carries the book as well.

Update number two is that Arthur A. Levine decided to reject my manuscript.  I believe that’s rejection #8.

I’ve been doing a lot more research on publishers as well, for my trilogy as well as for my next book, which I am not saying much about at this time.  I’ve got a few WIPs (work in progress) on the go to0.

To close, my cat has now decided to sit on my lap, making the use of this laptop rather difficult.  Apparently he thinks he’s more important than you.

Embrace Truth,

Kayleigh


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